Wave Good-Bye

Bottom of the ninth inning…

Tie game…

Two outs…

Your team up down by one…

Runners in scoring position…

“HEEYYY LET’SSS SSTART THE WWWAVE!” – some drunk asshole

I will murder you.

Anyone who knows me knows I like to have a good time at a baseball game, or a basketball game, or a football game, or a strip club (Sundowner anyone?), or wherever. Whether it be my crazy outfits or goofy shenanigans, I always respect the game (or the pole) because I realize, as a fan, I come second to the game. After all, these people didn’t pay to see me (or did they?). No. They paid to see some dingers, stolen bases, and the chance that maybe some fat ass manager gets into an argument with an umpire. Those are the best.

Contrary to popular belief, giving away strictly XL shirts during promotions at sporting events is not the worst thing about the fan experience. I know. I can hear you screaming into your screen now, “BUT TONY I’M AN AVERAGE SIZED PERSON! THEY ARE DISCRIMINATING AGAINST NORMAL PEOPLE!” You’re right. They are. And I’m here for you. Unfortunately, you’re not the norm. I’ve seen it. The gentleman who has to wiggle into his seat by wiping sticks of butter on his sides needs to be accommodated. After all, if his shirt rips coming out of the seat as he snaps off the cup-holders, he should have a spare. No, the worst thing about the fan experience is often times, the fans…

Someone who will not be named (but will most likely be murdered) sent me this video of a guy doing the wave at a baseball game. I know what you’re thinking. It’s a 7 second video of a guy starting the wave. And you’re right. But it’s not about that. It’s about what he represents. The dark side of sports. Not only is this guy ruining the experience, he’s also the guy wearing the previously mentioned XL tee. The guy who goes in the exit door to use the urinal first instead of waiting in line. The guy who texts on his phone all game in a $500 seat. THE GUY WHO STEALS THE FOUL BALL FROM THE LITTLE KID. I’m just saying it’s a slippery slope.

There’s a right way and a wrong way to make yourself part of the show. Pick and choose your spots carefully. I think Bud Light had it exactly right 10 years ago with Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy. Be this guy. Cuss out the umpires. Argue the strike zone. Yell at opposing outfielders. Give the fair-weather fans a nasty look when you stand up in front of them to cheer. BE AN ASSET TO YOUR TEAM. The fans can get behind that. What we can’t get behind is your dastardly plan to rule the seats with your sweaty arms flailing about every 10 seconds.

Wave good-bye to the wave guy.


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