Women. Do they exist?

If a woman falls in a forest, and only Manti Te’o hears it, does she exist?

I’m sure all of you have heard about the Manti T’eo saga by now. I’m also sure that, like me, none of you care. All I’ve heard over the last week is Manti Te’o, Manti Te’o, and something about a guy getting pregnant for a chance at free pizza.

Today, I found out he was on Katie Couric’s show. To be honest, I didn’t even know she had a show. How do I get a show? Do I just send in an application? I’d genuinely like to know. But I digress. Katie did ask the one question we were all wondering (not really).

“Are you gay?”

Te’o once again lied saying he was “far from it.” I don’t really think you are that far from it Manti. Anyone who doesn’t demand some action after talking to a “female” for a few months gets that question thrown on the table. Being gay is not that big of a deal anymore unless you live in Mississippi. I doubt Manti could even locate Mississippi on a map so he shouldn’t be so uptight about it.

The one thing we do know for sure is that Manti is, indeed, “retarded” as he admitted in this recent interview with John Kerfoot. I doubt anybody would argue this point, but I’d listen.

Let’s recap. Manti is “not gay”, can’t tell a woman from a man, is “retarded”, can’t play football against a worthy opponent, and looks like the kid from Johnny Tsunami. The only reasonable conclusion I can take from this is that no one should care about this story. It happens. People get tricked online. It’s been happening for over a decade.

Maybe ESPN and the other sports networks can find the time to talk about the things they really care about like the Lakers, Knicks, Eagles, Cowboys, steroids, and Brett Favre so my sports life can get back to normal.

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